Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
