You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
