And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
