a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
