I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
