Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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