Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
