Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
