i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
