Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
