Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
