paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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