he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
