I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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