no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
