Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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