I cannot find my penis.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
