I think I died a long time ago.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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