someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
