I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
