does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
