I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They have beer where we have blood.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
