I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
