I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
