I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
