Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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