Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
