I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
