I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
