Umm I'm too high to move.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This baby is an asshole
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
