we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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