cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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