What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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