I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
