My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
