So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think a kid would responsible me up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
