Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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