so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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