Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
