I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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