and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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