Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
