If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
