Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
