If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
