If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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