we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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