Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
