i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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