She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
