Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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