well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
